Welcome back everyone! I am super excited I have the opportunity to talk with you about dating as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is a topic I have been struggling with lately and I am glad I have people in my life whom could open my eyes and guide me through the process. My goal today is to share those same experiences with you and I hope it will be beneficial towards your future or current dating life!
First, I would like to start by giving some background on the dating culture at BYU. Some believe BYU was started as a place to gather members of the church from around the world in hopes of people marrying within the church. I believe this is a benefit behind the structuring of campus life, however I do not believe it was the main intention of creating BYU in different states. I believe BYU allows for a progression of spiritual as well as mental growth. This place is an amazing experience of great people who share the same core beliefs.
Now to the fun part, there seems to be a pressure to date and get married while being a student here. Back in California it was encouraged to date but I feel like there was much less pressure. I would like to clarify that I am searching for an eternal companion whom I could take to the temple and start a family with. However, I also believe I am no in a rush as much as I joke about it. It becomes an internal conflict for me when I am dating up here. I have always been the type of person who would date and talk to one person at a time. I never thought I would be a person whom is talking to multiple people at a time. I have five older sisters and I would not want someone to be dating multiple other people when my sister was developing feelings for them. I said this but then found myself dating and being interested in multiple young woman. I felt pressure to be in a relationship and felt like I needed to make a decision right this moment.
However, I am thankful for some amazing mentors in my life who helped me see things a little differently. I was encouraged to date around as much as possible, mainly because it allows me to see what I like and do not like in a person or a relationship. At the same time, if I enjoy my time with someone and want to go on another date with them I have that opportunity. I was also informed I should not be exclusively in a relationship with someone unless my plan is to eventually marry them. I do not know about you but if I am wanting to exclusively date someone and potentially be looking at getting married to them, I want to make sure I truly know them. Dating around and interacting with these young woman allows for that process to slowly take its course.
I would like to introduce "The Know Quo" which is known for having the three T's. They are as follows: Togetherness, which means sharing activities with each other and doing things as a unit. Talk, which is important because of the process of mutual self disclosure. Time, this one is super important when getting to know someone. It is important to recognize honey moon stages and allow time to truly get to know someone. It has been said it takes roughly three months before you begin to start knowing someone. These are all important in my opinion when it comes too dating. My reasoning for this is because dating should be something you do together, where you talk about important experiences and goals you have and through this process you begin to know the individual you are dating.
Another section I would like to cover is what classifies as a date. It is important to get away from the term of "hanging out". Hanging out and dating are not the same thing. Dating consists of being paired off, the guy paying for the girl throughout the night and is planned. Being planned is important in recognizing the difference between hanging out and dating. Hanging out is not normally planned and shows little effort in coming up with activities to do. Dating is planned, the person planning the date should think of the persons interests and put effort into the evening because it shows they care.
I found this information to be beneficial when it comes to my dating life and I hope it is for you as well. I have found a sense of peace and relief knowing it is okay to date around and really get to know people. I have always been the kind of person who ended up dating my friends, now I will continue doing that but dating my friends and see which one could possibly be my future companion. I am grateful for the environment we live in and how we have the opportunity to meet different people every day. Who knows, the person you meet tomorrow could be the one for you. Only God knows, therefore take advantage of every opportunity you have to meet people and get to know them!
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