Hello everyone and welcome back to my blog! Today we have a topic which hits close to home. We have talked a lot about families and the role they play. We have talked a little bit about what can lead to a divorce between parents. However, what we have not covered is how to adjust to a blended family. A blended family consists when parents’ divorce and then remarry. This can be confusing when you have someone new stepping into a parental role. It can be awkward and uncomfortable while identifying the appropriate boundaries in order to efficiently create structure in the home.
The reasoning for this topic being personal to me is because I personally have a blended family and have seen how poor boundaries can have a negative impact on the home. I would like to start off by making it very that my family is amazing and they were learning how to adjust as well. My parents divorced when I was twelve and my father remarried when I was fourteen. I would like to say that because I knew my step mom my whole life , it was easier, however that is not the case. I feel like the transition was even harder because she previously had a role in my life which was not as my mother.
At first, I was not okay with them dating because I thought it was weird. Shortly after I saw how happy my father was and that is all I ever wanted for him. It felt like only a short amount of time before they got married and life changed drastically. I have twin step sisters which I adore with my whole heart and I have always considered them as my sisters from when I was born. My step sisters adjustment was easy because in a way I felt like I had always looked out for them. The main struggle was my step mom due to the difference in parenting styles and discipline. I know from experience, my step mom has a tendency to overstep her boundaries when my siblings or I am talking with my dad. It has caused strained relationship between my sisters and my father.
There are a couple of things to take into consideration when combining and creating a blended family. First, In order to accept and or understand the changes within a family it typically takes about two years before it can be perceived as normal. Also, The birth parent needs to do all heavy discipline. Next, the step parent should be equivalent to a favorite uncle or aunt, the reasoning for this is because they children should see them as friendly, respect them, and look up to them. Most importantly it is important for the parents to spend time behind closed doors talking about how to navigate parenting their children. I believe this to be the most important because there have been numerous times when I would be having a conversation with my dad and my step-mom would interrupt, and not agree with the decisions we were deciding to make. Therefore, after having a good conversation with my dad the whole atmosphere and conversation would change for the worse. It is important for parents to be on the same page and set boundaries of what is and what is not okay.
Another struggle which is hard to navigate was religious views in the home. My step mom ended up converting to the LDS faith a couple of years after they got married but my sisters did not. It became confusing on the guidelines and what was considered to be “acceptable” and what was not. The conversations based off of faith and pushing religion onto my step sister actually pushed them farther away. This all comes down to effectively communicating what is best for the children and acting on a plan which is designed for all parties.
I know this week’s blog was more of a person experience then it was of educating you all on how to healthily blend two families together. My hope however, is that through these experiences you may be able to identify what not to do. In addition, I pray you are led by the spirit in all conversations, confrontations and interactions. I promise that when seeking Heavenly Fathers council and acting off of the promptings of the spirit you will be able to make steps towards the two families becoming one.
