Understanding Same Sex Attraction

Today’s topic can be a sensitive topic, especially in today’s world. I hope to give some insight regarding same sex attraction. I believe through my personal experiences I can help others understand what causes the initial change in attraction of the opposite sex. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has a firm stance on this topic which typically can lead to some uncomfortable conversations. However, our church is a constantly evolving church, which means if at any point our leaders believe a change in necessary, it will happen in Gods timing. Unfortunately, with the word of God being clear I am unsure if this will ever happen. 

Some people believe individuals are born a certain way and they are born either gay or straight. I would like to argue that stance because I do not believe it is accurate. I have a sister and multiple cousins whom have fallen away from the church, all due to having feelings for the opposite sex as well as other disagreements with how the church is ran. I know for a fact my sister and cousins all have changed their point of view on whom they would like to enter a romantic relationship with based off of traumatic experiences. All of them either had something happen, were mistreated or raised in unfortunate circumstances. I would also like to note that everyone being mentioned comes from parents who divorced, meaning difficult living situations and a lot of challenging obstacles in their youth. 

What does this tell us? Well, based off of my observations it clearly illustrates that someone who identifies as gay or likes the opposite sex, was not born that way. However, their beliefs changed as a result of something interrupting their way of life. I think this is extremely important to keep in mind. My reasoning being, I have heard many conversations of individuals talking about God does not make mistakes which means He created people to be attracted to the same sex, which was not by mistake. This is incorrect and not valid. We live in a fallen world, with that comes the temptations of the adversary. Look at how society looks at family roles today, it is far different from what our culture practices. This is not a result of God creating people a certain way or making a mistake. This is a result of imperfect people making mistakes which have a domino effect on others around them. 

I believe same sex attraction is a result of traumatic experiences being left untreated and those who are struggling look for relief or happiness in anything they can. I would also like to note that my family members whom have gone through these experiences, all have chosen to go down a path of resentment and rebellion. They are angry and are too scared to take a deep look at what is causing that anger. I can tell you the anger comes from childhood experiences they are running from. I know this because although I do not struggle with same sex attraction I had experienced those same events and coped a different way. 

In addition, I would like to point out these family members all were surrounding themselves with others who identified as gay and practiced these beliefs, prior to coming out. I am not pointing this out with the intention of illustrating a bad image of gays. That is not the case, I am painting an illustration for you all to see. You become a product of your surroundings, which is another reason why I believe our church encourages us to hang out with other members. 

I would like to close this week’s blog in a delicate manner. I love my sister and I love my cousins. I do not look at them differently based off of their views. I love them the sane and am proud of them for being their authentic selves. However, I do believe in this church and everything is stands for. I pray one day things may change within our church, but I am also trusting of our leaders and will follow their guidance with topics such as this. I know when the time comes God will judge them based off of their intentions of their hearts. Love is love and I support everyone. I challenge everyone to know their Savior because He knows you and wants you to know Him. With Him, these challenges may become clearer and possible to overcome. Until next time, may God be with you until we meet again.

Family Structure

 

The Church of Latter Day Saints puts families as a top priority and is an important part of our culture. I remember growing up and being in primary singing “Families Can Be Together For Ever”. This song brought a lot of joy to my heart and to be quite honest, it is all I ever knew. We believe in families being able to be together forever through temple work and enduring to the end. I believe this knowledge to be a blessing that other nonmembers do not have the luxury of knowing, which is why missionary and temple work is of great importance within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

The church’s literature in “The Family Proclamation” clearly states, “The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.” It also states “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” 

We have a culture we follow as a church. Many people know LDS members as a husband and wife with a lot of kids, when those children get old enough they get married. Although this is true to a certain extent, I would also like to note the importance of a strong family structure. 

Growing up my mother’s struggled with addiction any my father worked crazy hours within his career in law enforcement in order to support our family. My father was not around a lot when I was growing up due to his working conditions. My mother was sick, my sisters and myself took care of each other, but also our mother. My parents divorced when I was twelve and the family structure within the home changed greatly. 

I was not raised in the most active household and it definitely took a toll on my sisters as well as myself. My sisters and I struggle with relationships due to the fear of going through a divorce just like our parents did, especially because they were in love at one point. I got closer with my father after the divorce and once I was spending time with him, I began to start learning how to be a man. My sisters struggled because our mother was not the best example when we were growing up, it became hard to identify what character traits they would like to strive for. 

I say all of this because I have life experiences regarding a flimsy and a strong foundation within the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I would like to think when I have a family of my own I know what not to do. My father remarried my step mom and became a power duo in the doctrine of the church. I once saw a family which went through the motions to a family which had the church and Gods love at the center of everything. This is when I began to see the importance of the family structure.

Families can be together forever and in order for that to become a reality it all starts in the home. Father, it is crucial for you to practice the priesthood in your home. Lead by example and take the time away from work to spend with your children, they need you. Mothers, love your children unconditionally and be supportive in all you do. Lead by example and take the Lords council into consideration when making decisions which effect your children’s lives. Show them how our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are the answer to all of our struggles. In order to endure to the end it is crucial to have a home which invites the spirits into our hearts and a foundation within the Gospel, to strengthen our testimonies. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints may be old school, however if we follow the direction of the prophet and his revelation on how to return us all to our Heavenly Father,  we will be in good hands. It all starts within the home, we have the opportunity to be a light in dark places.  I hope you all find yourselves on your knees often, praying for guidance on how to best prepare your families to endure to the end. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are with us always. They will not lead you astray because families can be and will be together forever through His plan.

Family Dynamics

In modern day families is can often seem like conflict is more present than ever before. What people fail to realize is conflict is natural. There will always be conflict and especially in a family setting where important decisions need to be made or decisions about how to raise a child. The conflict theory is important to take into consideration regarding this topic. The conflict theory asserts all societies are characterized by inequality, conflict and change as groups within the society struggle. 

Today I want to focus on the effects change has on families. I would say that not all change is bad, sometimes change is good in order for someone to get out of their comfort zone and grow as an independent individual. However, some changes can have a more traumatic impact on a child. Changes as simple as an older sibling going off to college or parents getting remarried and now a child has new step siblings. By the end of this blog I hope to share my perspective as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, whose parents divorced, remarried and the change in family. 

I grew up in the church but my family also was not the most active. We went when we could but my sisters and I all played competitive sports, causing us to have the reasonability to attend tournaments on weekend and traveled a lot. I would say that my parents may have had a strong testimony of the Gospel, however my siblings and knew the church to be true but had yet to find our personal testimonies of its truthfulness. My parents divorced when I was twelve and my older sisters went off to BYU-Provo. This was a lot of change all at once. Not only did my parents separate and I did not really understand what that meant, but my older sisters were no longer around and it became confusing. One second we were this big happy family and the next we were all spread out. This brought trials and a lot of conflicts in our daily lives. We all had to learn how to navigate through things which were uncomfortable. Now in the culture of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, divorce is frowned upon. With these experiences my father and I struggled with attending church due to what seemed to be judgment and tension from members of the ward. At the time my father struggled with questioning his decision. However, he was also confident that he was led my the spirit through praying for guidance in the temple. The personal conflict he went through is one of the few things I admire about him. He chose to listen to the spirit although it brought a lot of challenges to our family. 

Fast forward a couple of years later and my father remarried to a lovely woman that was not a member of the church. I also got a lovely addition to the family of twin step sisters.  None of them had a religious background but became the ones whom encouraged us to follow our beliefs. At this time, due to moving around a lot my father and I had gone inactive from the church. However, God is a God of miracles and we were sent a lovely family that knocked on our door and invited us to their ward once we moved to a new area. Our relationship thrived once we began to put the Gospel at the center of our lives again. Through this process my step mom started taking missionary lessons and was baptized about a year later. My parents have become a power couple. They live the Gospel and apply Christs love in all they do. This change was good. I say this because today I understand how a family is supposed to function. I also know what a healthy relationship focused on faith in Jesus Christ is supposed to be.

All these changes surely took a toll on my sisters and myself. We are all at different places in our lives. Some changes at the time seemed hard to understand. However, today I can see how it truly blessed all of our lives. I am a firm believer nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. It may seem difficult at the time but when we take a look in the past we can see exactly where God was. 

Family Trends

Lets take a recap over the last two years regarding the Covid-19 epidemic. How many of you were unable to spend the quality time with your family? Or if you are like me, had a change in perspective about the importance of family? The current world we live in transformed my view on my family situation, it influenced a new appreciation for family gatherings and relationships. 

Hello friends, fellow classmates and family, if this is your first time I would like to welcome you to my blog. I would like to start off my saying that I truly love my family. We are not the traditional Latter Day Saint family, which is something I appreciate today. My parents divorced at a young age, which is something that is poorly looked upon within the church, however, it is also becoming more common. This experience was challenging to navigate through but also became a blessing. Some may ask, "How could that be a blessing?". The answer is simple, it allowed me the opportunity to search for answers regarding families, and the things which are important for a family to endure to the end. 

Currently a trending topic regarding families is the influence of the children's environment playing a major role in their behaviors and future. Some say that a child should be raised in an environment with a loving mother and strong male role model. When we take a look at areas with higher levels of poverty, which tend to have higher rate of drugs abuse, single mothers, crime rates, etc. It becomes clear about a child's future, they will most likely repeat the same patterns they grew up in. Or if we take a look at a traditional family that checks off all the boxes on the list, will have a healthier life.

I agree but also disagree. I grew up with the family that checked off all of the boxes. However, my parents still divorced, my sisters and myself struggle with mental health side effects of the environment we had to adapt to. My siblings and I all struggle with relationships due to the fear that history will repeat itself. We are consumed by the thought that we could be happily in love, married and yet still end up repeating the same cycle.

Over the last two and a half years I have been working in the substance abuse and behavioral health field in Southern California. I have had the opportunity to learn about different cultures, family influences and there always seems to be a common factor. These individuals comes from different backgrounds but all had similar things in common, they never felt supported, loved, were neglected and abandoned. 

I may not be married or have kids but what I do have is a knowledge from the child's perspective about what is needed. A parent may have good intentions but does not necessarily mean they were effective or beneficial for the child. What I can say is this, it does not matter if you are raised by a couple with the same sex attraction, loving mother and father, or even poverty without a father. What matters is what you choose to do with the situation you have been given. The answer is love. Love your child, support their goals, let them be their authentic self, have hard conversations and spend quality time with them. If a child is being raised by a single mother then find strong male role models to be in their lives. If another child is has two dads, encourage them to find woman that get help them through other life experiences. 

The key to life is to have an open mind. Find ways to grow in order to strengthen your family. Take the time to sit down and talk with your children or your significant other. Most importantly, be sure not to get consumed by the world, causing you to loose sight of the end goal. Family is the center of our lives and should be the most important factor when making big decisions. 

What I do know is this, God put obstacles in my life, which allowed me to grow into the person I am today. I did not see it then, but I do see it now. I was blessed to experience the things I did because it prepared me to help someone else through those same things. Nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. Reach your hand out to your loved ones and support them in all they do. Incorporate love in all you do and slowly we can start to change the negative environmental impact on families. 

Introduction

 Hello Friends! My name is Cole Valentine and I am from Orange County in Southern California. I am super excited to get out of my comfort zone and practice blogging this semester with you. I am looking forward to the different perspectives and experiences that will influence our discussions. Best of luck!